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Studio Notes

Filtering by Tag: poem

Create 1x100

Leah Badertscher

"A small act is worth a million thoughts."
-Ai Wei Wei

In the spirit of this wisdom, I'm going to do one small act of creativity a day, for one hundred days, and then share it.  I most likely won't blog everyday (hahaha, who am I kidding?!  I KNOW I won't blog everyday!), but I will post to Instagram (and maybe FB and Twitter, too) using the hashtag #create1x100.  If you'd like to get your creative juices flowing, I'd love to have you join me!  I am feeling the need to create some new patterns in my life and break up some old - so the small act of posting this and beginning this one hundred day journey is one way I'm going about that.

My small act today is the first draft of this poem that was inspired by our family's first visit to the ocean while here in Portugal.  I've been to the ocean many times before and have long known that I'd like to live near a big body of water, but there was something about this particular visit that was more profound.  Here is my first stab at place-marking and trying to figure out what this experience was about:

The Ocean

I know now that this

this water
this depth
this color
this expanse
this room for sky
this sun glittering on the surface
this unknown power that drops so deep
this home to life
this mystery

this

is what I have been missing

***

And just like that...I'm sharing something.  Something that feels incomplete, something that my ego wants to rear up and say "Oh my GOD!  STOP!!! Do not share - it is not good enough yet!"

But I'm so tired of that song and dance - it's always the same- me and my stuff?  We aren't ever good enough. 

Okay, so fine.  I'm going to proceed anyway.  That voice has been saying the same thing since I was 11, and no matter what I've done, it's never enough for that voice. 

I've tried arguing with the voice, I've tried proving it wrong.  I've tried coaching, therapy, hypnosis, overachieving, law school, marathons, triathlons, degrees, programs, classes, certificates, you name it.  None of it has ever been good enough. 

So, whatever "good enough" is, I've decided I don't need it and I don't need to be it.

I do know I need creativity, I know I need to create.  If you need this as well (and I believe we all do), again, I'd love to have you join me.  Just hashtag #create1x100 and share to IG. 

You don't need to be good enough, you just need to get moving and make something.  One small act. 

Love,
Leah
 

 

For Giving

Leah Badertscher

Continuing along the theme of how I'm way tired of how I guard/hoard most of what I write and think-

here is the first draft of a poem I wrote today...

For Giving

That dark weight I felt in my chest
I looked to see
a black rock, like coal-
but more dense, like obsidian-
Made of all the roses
I hadn't given away

I kept them, not for myself
Not for you.
I kept them because
they weren't good enough.
I didn't know if you'd want them anyway-

So I held them in,
My heart wrapped tightly around them,
Closed in on its self,
unforgiving.

That hand that should've been giving
instead was clenching,
holding on for dear life,
but crushing any chance of it.

But I breathed the other day,
like I haven't breathed in so long-
Maybe decades.

And felt
an unfurling

 

This time I'm giving it all away.


****
Thank you for being out there.

Love,
Leah